WHAT NOW SATAN?! GET OWNED BY JESUS!

You never imagine things happening the way they do.
When i was younger i never clutched my barbie endearingly to my chest and, gazing out into the unknown, said to myself "i'm gonna mess up so bad when i'm older!" No. i probably said something along the lines of "i'm going to marry a prince and have a mansion and perfect kids right outta high school and never mess up and never regret anything and my family will be perfect and life will be easy."
Now i linger on the scent of yesterday's garbage and wonder if i'll ever stop stinking. Thoughts i didn't even know existed cloud my brain.
Things i should not know have become a part of me. Wedged in between the hairs on my head and the pores on my skin, leaving muddy tracks in the wrinkles of my brain and turning my green eyes grey. i always feel dirty. i feel like a sock that got dropped between the dryer and the wall in the laundry room while trying to make my way into the washing machine, and as much as i have crusted over and dried up and as much as i smell, no one knows where i am. i have become shaped involuntarily and left to collect dust in my terrible position behind the dryer.
i feel: used. hurt. betrayed. alone. filthy. whorish. neglected. abused. tortured by guilt. cut down by self esteem.
i feel overwhelmed.
i feel too young for this.
i feel burdened

AND THEN I REMEMBER. i am a child of Light. i am a daughter of the Almighty King of heaven and earth. i am anointed. i am remembered and made new. i am washed clean. i am not alone. i am beautiful in His sight. i have victory over all sin and sadness, over this world. i am forgiven. i am redeemed. i am free!
i have a Father who loves me. [Jeremiah 31:3]
i have a Father who is looking out for me. [Philippians 4:19]
i have a Father who would give anything for me. [Ephesians 5:2]
i have a Father who thinks more about me than ME. [Jeremiah 29:11]
i have a Father who knows my <3 and still loves me. [Luke 23:38-43, Romans 5:8]

From Ten (acoustic version)

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People:
10. i'm so glad you're finally getting away from here.
9. i would do anything to ensure our friendship never ends.
8. If you asked i'd say yeah.
7. Just stay out of my business. Seriously
6. You're the WORST english teacher of my life.....uuuugggghh
5. Sometimes i could slap you for being so overly-dramatic.
4. Your hair is a subject of my jealousy. haha
3. You should stop dipping.
2. i hate walking around knowing you're disappointed with me.
1. i'm always, always, always here for you.

Nine things about myself:
9. i HATE socks.
8. i wish i was thinner but don't try hard enough to get there
7. My snaggle tooth makes me very self-conscious
6. i'm a sucker for slow songs
5. i imagine my life as a movie
4. My hair looks best after i've slept on it
3. i get angry really quickly
2. i hate long fingernails... with the exception of cute, short-ish acrylics
1. i only shave my legs about an inch above my knees

Eight ways to win my heart.
8. Talk to me lots. More than other girls especially
7. Surprise me. Be spontaneous and exciting about it
6. Find my eyes from across the room and don't break contact first. Be bold about it
5. Take the lead! i'll follow
4. Sing me romantic songs, even if you sound like a dying goose
3. Show me you're not scared of other people
2. Love kids. Better yet, be one of the kids
1. Clip your fingernails

Seven things that cross my mind a lot.
7. Running away to Arizona
6. Prayers
5. Song lyrics
4. Food food food. Nomnoms
3. How my hair looks
2. That i need to work out
1. Andy

Six things I do before I fall asleep
6. Plug my phone in
5. Take my bra off
4. Turn on the bathroom light
3. Take out all my earrings
2. Read my Bible
1. Talk to God

Five people who mean a lot. (no particular order)
5. Madison
4. My siblings
3. Andy
2. Sare
1. Nathan

Four things you’re wearing right now.
4. Black sweatervest
3. Flower earring
2. Deodorant (freshly reapplied)
1. Snowflake pajama pants

Three songs that you listen to often.
3. Hummingbird- Nevershoutnever
2. Love Like Woe- ...someone
1. Still Alive- Matthew Mayfield

Two things you want to do before you die.
2. Get married to the love of my life
1. Show HIS love

One confession.
1. i'm a little bit scared to die

Like... is any of this for real... or not?

Who got a legitimate, ChrisJoseph-made keyblade for her birthday? Miranda did.

You know when weird things happen? Things you absolutely cannot explain or make sense of? Those things where you're like "what the crap someone must have cameras in every corner of my house"? Yeah you know those things? Well those things keep happening to me.
Example #1: All day today i have been singing "Mighty Warrior" by Rick Pino. Listened to it this morning, got stuck in my head, been singin' it ever since. Felt compelled to tweet it... felt like someone needed to hear those words. Never tweeted it. Got on twitter tonight, one of my friends TWEETED THE EXACT LYRICS THAT I'D BEEN SINGING ALL DAY.
Example #2: Been busting my brain trying to remember a verse i heard the other night. Started to put away my laundry, note fell outta my jacket pocket with that exact verse on it. YEAH.
These are just two of many, many weird happenings.

Now tell me those weren't God things.

This morning (or afternoon, rather) i woke up only to realize i had been asleep for 15 hours. Didn't wake up to my alarm. Didn't wake up with the sun. Didn't hear my entire family coming and going throughout the day.
Then i realized, thanks to Drew, that according to Inception i had been asleep for something like a week in dream time. i wasted a whole week in dream time on... crap, i don't even remember what my dream was about.
i know there were some jail bars and a monkey. There's a start.